The following meeting dealt with traitorous consumption of a dead animal/fried tuber/corn-syrup cocktail triple threat.

Senate (ostensibly, ‘logic’) presiding…

Jurist:

You clearly breached the guidelines set forth about eating garbage.

Prime Minister:

I did no such thing. I was told to abstain from alcohol and resume exercise. While I have fulfilled half of that agreement, I have broken no stipulations. Besides, how do you breach a guideline?? It’s a GUIDELINE!

Senate:

For the record, Jurist, please tell the court what the Faelan is guilty of.

Jurist:

He ordered a #2 from McDonald’s.

Prime Minister:

No I didn’t. I got a two-cheeseburger Value Meal.

Jurist:

What’s the difference?

Committee for Basic Needs:

That’s not a #2. A #2 is a Quarter Pounder meal.

Jurist:

Since when?

Prime Minister:

They took it off the menu. But you can still order it. They still have a button. The rehydrated onions smelled like Miller High Life that’s been in the sun.

Senate:

Amazing. Can we go on?

Jurist:

Well, that’s it. He ate crap for lunch…

Minister of Finance:

Using misappropriated funds!

Prime Minister:

What?! Get the fuck out of here!

Committee for Basic Needs:

I’d side with the PM on this one. If he needs cash to feed the nation, so be it. The rest of the money went to the Treasury? $260 I think it was supposed to be?

Prime Minister:

Damned skippy.

The General Will:

Well there it is, then. All’s well that ends well.

Senate:

We disagree. While the Jurist is incorrect, he is not “wrong.” The Prime Minister should be taking better care of Faelan. Eating at McDonald’s only compounds the travesty of not exercising.

Prime Minister:

Meh. Need a cigarette…

*whack*

Meeting adjourned…

Missive from the most esteemed Friend and Ally, Cedric. Received by the Ambassador:

“You have not gone to the gym because you lack discipline. Stop.”

It is recommended that the preceeding be read to the government upon the next meeting and sent forthwith to the Prime Minister for consideration.

2nd Congress. A little more organized.

Hearings from the various chambers:

Committee for Basic Needs:

The Committee reports that the state of Faelan is pretty shabby at the moment. He is approximately 140 lbs. and a smoker. While he has begun exercising, this is by no means done with enough frequency to make his gut go away. Maybe Fway needs to get off his ass, is our case.

The General Will:

*Ahem*, The Will would like to state at this time that we agree, Fway could do with some lifestyle changes, but it severely conflicts with his ability to sit around and write, among other things.

Minister to Freedom:

It interferes alright! Like going out… Meeting sitas! Cha cha cha! I got Fway some dancing lessons over the weekend. His date was showing him what was wrong. He kept stomping and it was like…

Prime Minister:

Shut the fuck up and wait your turn, Minister! You are out of order. And I would disagree. The gym is beneficial in that regard. Women don’t want a fatass.

Minister to Freedom:

Minister to Freedom. Minister OF Fun. M-O-F. Get it? “Mof”?

The General Will:

Right, as we were saying. The Fway would very much like to work out more, but finds it in direct conflict with his ability to hone his writing skills during hours in which he is not at work writing copy for the ad agency where he is leased as daily labor.

CBN:

Um, does the Faelan want to be a fatass?

The General Will:

Of course not.

CBN:

Well, there it is then. Faelan has to start working out. Writing is essential to his well-being, but should not be allowed to monopolize or jeopardize his future well-being. I’d like to ask the Senate for a ruling, bound as it is by logic and objectivity.

Senate:

Naturally, the Senate feels that despite the admirable steps being taken to exercise the literary skills of Faelan, and thereby increase said skills, it is crucial that the infrastructure of the nation be properly maintained as well. The Senate advises the Prime Minister to get Faelan off his ass more. It’s in everyone’s best interests.

Prime Minister:

*Sigh* Running makes my chest hurt. Alright, from the ministers… Let’s go. Sound off… From the bottom up…

Governor of the House:

$500 for rent.

Governor of the Car:

No expenses of the weekend, but I will be needing gas soon. Tank’s on “½” and we are overdue for an oil change. Figure $30 minimum. Oh, forgot, there was a citation came through from an unpaid toll. Expect -$27.5 in the near future.

Minister of Finance:

Quite literally afraid to look at the register, sir. I know our revenue check just arrived last Friday, but it should be insufficient considering our output already. The Minister to Freedom spent around $90 on Friday, and there was an overdraft as well, so tack $30 to that. Plus, $206 to car insurance and $500 to rent. Not counting random crap needed by the governors for things like gas. I suggest an immediate trip to the Check Cashing Store for a payday advance. I’ve said it before, the Minister to Freedom is an indiscriminate spender and drunkard. He must be stopped for the good of the Faelan.

Minister to Freedom:

Um, the Minister of Finance is a big vagina. It’s a he wonder never gets laid, all he needs to do is go fuck himself. So I spent $90 for a night out? Suck it. Faelan enjoyed himself.

Prime Minister:

True. I did.

Jurist:

No comments at present.

Prime Minister:

Ok, I think that’s enough for now. Current intiatives are to get Faelan to the gym more and adopt a policy of abstinence from alcohol for the immediate future. Let’s say until Friday at the earliest. Further, the Car Governor needs to get Faelan to the Check Cashing Store tomorrow, and bring funds immediately to the Minister of Finance for deposit in the Treasury.

Meeting of all officers and bodies in general congress commencing,

Welcome to the state of the nation meeting.

We will now hear from all of the various branches of government.

• The treasury reports insufficient funds to last the fortnight by which we shall receive another revenue check (the state has leased out in full the use of its populous to an advertising agency).
• The Minister to Freedom reports on the weekends expenditures for purposes of entertainment: $90.00 was spent on alcoholic beverages Friday night, for which, at present, no returns have been made on the investment. The Minister reports further that no request was made of the treasury prior to the expensing, and that the expense was done with complete contempt of the people’s referendum against further intoxication.
• The Senate hereby states that the nation is in a shambles, and needs to be organized in a cohesive, binding document. Faelan is completely perplexed by the mechanics of this government at present.

Alright, alright…

I, as Prime Minister and chief officer of state, hereby close this meeting until such further time as the provinces of government of Faelan can be properly assigned and therefore understood. Until further notice, Faelan is not to purchase any alcohol nor remove funds from the treasury without first, at the very least, consulting with the proper authorities to find what capital is available. This excludes foodstuffs and transportation-related expenses.