Before we get started, an address from the nation to…the…nation. Hmm.
So, oddly, I’ve built governments before. You can get special lego™ sets. I know what I’m doing. That said, I’ve made some sesquipedalian Leviathans in the past. To maintain ease of use and readers, the government of Fáelán is going to be kept simple. Initially anyway.
Cheers.
The Constitution or whatever…
I.
- CITIZENSHIP. There is and will only ever be one citizen: Fáelán. We’re xenophobic, deal with it.
- ELECTIONS. Elections will occur as and when needed in accordance with the general will (i.e. when Fway wants to). However, only citizens can vote, so feel free to bribe. It’s legal!
- OFFICIALS. In a precedent-setting act of extra-territorial trust, Fáelán occasionally allows non-citizens to hold government posts, the rest are elected from within.
- NAME. It just occurred to me, the nation is me: Fáelan. Properly it is described as a Democratic Republic of the Mind, but Fáelán will do. Or the acronym DRōM because it looks cool. Fwayland, of course, is sweet. Our motto is ex uno plures, from one, many. That’s also the motto of the DID ward down at the mental hospital, as it happens. That should bother me, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t bother me either. Yeah, me neither. What he said. Shush! All of you!
- TAXES. I don’t like paying taxes, so…
- REVENUE. Fáelán surrenders his paycheck to the commonwealth. Why not? Everyone else gets a piece.
II.
- LEGISLATION. I have improved on the old adage about government spending: why one when you can have three for thrice the price? Therefore, a tricameral legislature, responsible for general policy and rules for Fáelán (laws). The Senate (λ) shall operate as the nous and logic of the nation, providing objective rationale. The General Will (θ), “The Will,” shall voice the desires, spirit and will of Fáelán. Finally the Committee for Basic Needs (ε) shall speak for Fáelán’s basic human needs; food, clothing, shelter and the like as they are necessary to national survival. 3-piece suits would NOT fall in this category. Boxers? Yes. Since the masses must always be suppressed, these low-lifes will be shit on, mostly. Good luck, proles.
- MAGISTRATES. This is the cool part with titles and the like. All officers may or may not operate in collegiate form. It all depends on whether or not the elections are calling for extra dudes to take up some slack or give an outsider’s opinion. Sometimes, it’s good when you let foreigners tell you what to do with yourself. The following are some regularly appearing demo-crats:
- Ambassador- This officer begs people to help out. Sort of like requesting foreign aid. If Fáelán ever bothers you for vending machine money, it’s this guy. Feel free to kick his ass or suggest the nation start carrying cash and stop using its debit card as the all-time out for not ponying up.
- Prime Minister- Supreme executive. Based on opinion polls, this will pretty much never be you. Fáelán is expected to carry the day in pretty much any election. But run anyway, it’ll be funny.
- Jurist- Makes sure the above is following the rules, but can’t really do anything one way or the other besides prattle on about transgression or lie prostrate in fits of sycophancy.
- Minister to Freedom- Typically the most popular official, the Minister to Freedom is resposible to the positive freedom inherent in existence (look it up). His job is to see that Faelan reconciles his actual with his potential. Unfortunately, Aristotle is often mistaken for Epicurus.
- Minister of Finance- In charge of finances and responsible to the Senate. At any given time plays Beta Male to the Minister to Freedom’s Alpha. Fucking pussy. Also accused of not throwing down at Denny’s.
- Governor- These guys are mostly appointed. In fact, always. Normally there are two of these governors for Fáelán’s territory (i.e. stuff): one for the car and one for the house. Affectionately referred to as The National Tapeworm, they sap the nation of funds and the will to go to work again and provide nothing in return. Like Alaska or England.
- Others- You’ll see others occasionally. But it’s sporadic and you probably are about to click away from this site.
Thanks to Plato, Polybius, Rousseau, Machiavelli and Calvin & Hobbes. The Bill Waterson Calvin & Hobbes, not those other hacks. OKTHNXBAI.
